Peaks! Curses! Squishy Chests!

For you longtime readers, you know that Pilot and I share a birthday month!
You may also know of the longtime “Birthday Curse” I’ve mentioned several times associated with mine.

Well… the Birthday Curse raises its evil head again!

My actual birthday was fun. I turned the big 40! I’ve crested the hill and now I’m over it! Pilot surprised me with a movie night out with friends, and we were treated by my bestie to the tickets. We saw Beetlejuice Beetlejuice! ate some decent movie theater food, and another friend treated me to a pina colada.

My treat to myself? I got my first Mammogram! Day after my birthday. I was so excited, and so ready to have it done. Being adopted, I don’t have any familial medical history to assist with keeping an eye on things to which I may be susceptible. That includes not knowing if I’m a higher candidate for breast cancer. Whatever the result, I was grateful to have an answer one way or the other for peace of mind. My scan came out clear, and I’m grateful.

Low and behold, I could’ve had a mammogram as early as AGE 30. I have asked every doctor I’ve ever had since I was the age of 28 for an annual mammogram. I was denied every year until earlier this year.

The person operating the mammogram scanner was absolutely appalled that I was denied a mammogram for the last 10 years. She wants me to advocate to other people assigned as female at birth to advocate harder for themselves and keep asking (if you have the resources to do so) until you get a doctor to say “YES” to your mammogram as early as the age of 30. Even EARLIER if you have breast cancer in your family.

Now, back to the Birthday Curse:
In whatever way you feel about it, Pilot works for a company that has been doing major layoffs and furloughs. Well, the day before my birthday, Pilot’s job got furloughed. We’ve been dealing with some hardships as of late, and we didn’t need this piled on.

The day of, and the day after, my birthday, Pilot and I noticed that Buddy Bacher hasn’t been behaving like his normal sunny and adventurous self.

Well, it turns out both Buddy Bacher and Pilot have both come down with colds. I blame the start of the school year where Buddy Bacher has been interacting with other kids in some free pre-school programs where there were a metric butt ton of other children drooling and touching everything.

I think the only reason I’ve managed to avoid “the plague” so far is I got my flu and Covid booster the same afternoon right after I had my mammogram. My immune system was literally kicked into high gear at the height of Pilot and Buddy Bacher coming down with whatever it is they both have.

It’s been a rough week in the Bacher household, but we’re doing our best. There are some other hardships going on, and we’ll see how they affect Pilot’s and my future, including a job hunt for both of us while Pilot’s job is furloughed. We’ll see if he’s able to return to full time at some point, or if I’m able to find something that supports all of us in the next coming weeks.

Until then, thank you for sticking with me, and wishing you a brighter month than we’re experiencing right now.

– KB

When you think you know better.

Warning: This is a deeply emotional post. I will not be allowing comments on it due to the sensitive nature of this topic for me. Once again, those of us who suffer and experience the pain are being forced to talk through our pain for the greater good of education and for a brighter, progressive future. For those who have followed my blog, you know I’m an open book, however this topic is one that I refuse to accept any negativity towards to my point of view.

WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER.

I’m going to say this only once, because I should never have had to say it at all.

But, due to my rising concerns over the loss of healthcare for girls and women across the United States (and let’s face it, the world) regarding reproductive rights, I’m compelled to bring up this topic regarding girl’s and women’s access to free, safe, and easily attainable abortion(s) and to contraceptive care. I feel like society and the degrading direction we’re heading toward as a nation terrifies me and compels me to suffer through decades of deeply rooted pain to educate.

DO NOT USE THE PHRASE, “YOU CAN GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION” AS ANY TYPE OF LAME ASS EXCUSE TO PREVENT A GIRL OR WOMAN FROM HAVING A FREE, SAFE, EASILY ATTAINABLE ABORTION OR PREVENTING CONTRACEPTIVE CARE.

No girl (child) or woman should have to go through pregnancy if they don’t want to or are too young to understand what is happening to their body.

As someone who is the direct result of a teen pregnancy, having been internationally adopted, and also as a transracial (adopted outside of my race) adoptee, this flippant response is NOT OK.

As an adoptee, this argument is offensive, disgusting, disrespectful, shows a complete lack of research around adoptees, the birth parents, the lack of psychological support for both the adoptee and birth parents, the lack of studying or obtaining any knowledge about real kids who are in the system, who never leave it, who age out of it, and issues and lack of privileges as they navigate the world with no help It shows a complete disinterest in the lack of care many orphans and adoptees receive, the horrors of our needs-to-be-reformed-decades-ago foster care system.

Frankly, that offhanded remark is a huge slap to my face. ME. My face.

Abortions should be legal everywhere.

I’ve always felt this, and have been quite vocal about it, loooong before I required a medically necessary one to save my life.

Don’t casually toss out or throw around my abandonment issues, my loss/confusion/pain of racial identity, my loss of country—my Korean culture, language, history, heritage—my family, my unknown biological family, nor the financial, emotional, and physical sacrifices my parents went through to adopt me, etc….

DO NOT USE MY LIFE AND EXPERIENCES as any type of reason for endangering the lives of millions of girls and women. Using MY LIFE as a reason is not for YOU to decide.

I DECIDE.

As GOP/Republican voters and government officials have reversed Roe v. Wade (codify Roe v. Wade!), have removed abortion as an option at any stage of a pregnancy, have removed scientifically-based health/sex education out of schools, as they are burning books and sacrificing our children’s right to education—a full, multi-perspective-based, and scientifically backed educationI DECIDE. NOT YOU about how to use the phrase, “Just give it up for adoption.”

ME. I DECIDE. NOT YOU.

Keep my trauma, my childhood, every racially charged moment I’ve experienced, every time a bully yelled at me or hit me because I wasn’t White, keep the time I was once a pregnancy that derailed a teenage girl’s life, my time as an orphan, the process of my adoption that severed my ties to anything related to my birth country and culture, the history of my hardworking parents who adopted me, my family, my unknown biological family, KEEP ALL OF THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO USE IT. I AM NOT YOUR “TOKEN” FOR DESTROYING HUMANE HEALTHCARE.

KEEP MY LIFE OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, especially as you sentence millions of girls (children) and women to physical trauma, psychological trauma, and to many what WILL (not might, WILL) be their deaths.

Just as much as you have ZERO RIGHTS to control MY BODY, you also have ZERO RIGHTS to use MY LIFE EXPERIENCE for your so-called “pro life” views and agenda.

#AbortionIsHealthcare #Abortion #Adoption #Adoptee #InternationalAdoption #TransracialAdoption #WomensHealth #WomensRights #ContraceptionIsHealthcare #Planned Parenthood #SupportWomen #WomenUpliftingWomen #UpliftingWomen

Status

Is your furniture plotting against you?

Disclaimer: Everything stated below is in relation to *most* jobs. Of course, if you’re in any industry focused on beauty or fashion, this will not apply to you.

 

Hello, Precious Readers!

 

Thank you to everyone who participated or visited the Night Owl Reviews Spring Fling Scavenger Hunt this year. It was a joy to be a part of it, and I’ve already been notified of the winners. I hope you were one of them!

 

Yesterday, I came across an article suggesting that modern-day office design is subtly sexist. I won’t go into details, you can read the article for yourselves. If you’re a longtime blog follower, you know that I used to be a massive workaholic. The stereotypical office drone commuting for long hours, sitting at a desk, and staring at a computer. As a writer, I still do this, but it’s a desk space of my choosing (my home), and I’m surrounded by things and style that bring me peace of mind, not what an architect and interior designer decided that I needed in my life.

 

Also, I’m old enough to remember the days when cubicles were first popularized and ceiling-to-floor length walls separated each individual by those fuzzy, gray, sound softening panels. After a few decades of this style, scientists decided that the top-to-bottom walls were unhealthy for humans by causing isolation, depression, and other physical and mental illnesses. Thus, a new era was born: the day the walls came down.

 

Those in the current workforce or just entering are probably more familiar with employees working in spaces where cubicle walls barely reach the average-height-adult’s sitting position shoulder height, if there are walls at all. Desks are also “open concept” providing a reduction in “visual noise,” often with table legs instead of solid panels covering the person from the waist down. There are no longer walls or dividers, but open glass to provide as much natural light as possible and a transparent view to encourage accountability and teamwork.

office

 

While I don’t fully agree with the article regarding women feeling the need to make additional effort beyond their normal routine, I will point out that open concept does not necessarily keep women’s needs in mind.

 

The article made me think back on how I would dress myself. I dressed according to the general office policies, but didn’t make any additional effort with hair and makeup unless I felt like it. I spent most of my life as a tomboy, so if someone didn’t think it was “feminine” enough for me to not style my hair or wear makeup, tough cookies for them. If someone judged me on it — that’s creating a hostile environment. If someone is judging me on my looks to meet the judging person’s idea of “attractiveness” — that’s sexual harassment. I have confidence enough in myself to know that my looks are no one else’s concern except mine. If someone is using my looks against me and stifling my career because I’m not “feminine” or “pretty enough” — that’s sexism.

 

For anyone judged based on someone else’s opinion about your looks and/or are being rated by someone else’s idea of an idiotic scale of “attractiveness,” I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to put up with that. AT ALL.

 

Having said that, I’ve worked several different styles of jobs, which came with several different styles of environments. This includes the “open concept” desk space. As a woman, society is *crawling* into the 21st Century where our needs are actually thought of in a respected and conscientious manner as human beings, but we have a looong way to go. Once in a while I like to wear skirts, whether long or short. However, whenever I leave my home and I’m wearing a shorter skirt, I have to think if my legs will be covered by the furniture or not. I am not a thin person. It is highly uncomfortable to cross my legs. Doctors have proven that crossing your legs is bad for your posture, your hip and knee alignment, and can cause long-term back problems. I tend to cross my ankles, but doing that for long periods of time (say ~6.5 hours of actual desk time excluding lunches and times to get up and go to other areas and walking) is also highly uncomfortable. This also doesn’t negate the fact that if a skirt’s hem is anywhere close to your knee-length, or shorter, if there isn’t enough fabric to politely tuck between our knees, we run the risk of accidentally flashing our underthings to people. Does this make sense to you? For women to be considered “feminine” we should wear dresses or skirts, but skirts don’t always function to allow women to sit comfortably? This has never made sense to me. Probably why I mostly stick to pants.

 

I have a secret for anyone who has never worn a dress or skirt before: women like to sit without having to cross our legs! There’s also the issue of “manspreading” on seats, but that’s a different discussion: In short, please don’t “manspread” on public transportation or spaces. It’s rude, disgusting, and completely encroaching on personal bubbles. If it’s a public space, that means it’s PUBLIC and the space DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. Women’s personal space is a HUMAN RIGHT, not a privilege for someone else to take away. It is not for anyone else to decide where that boundary line is except for that individual woman.

 

A simple “love shout out” to any restaurant or office space that actually covers a person from the waist down either by long-length tablecloths or desk design, respectfully. I love you. Thank you.

 

Long before reading the article, I binge-watched seasons of Cupcake Wars* on Hulu* and remember thinking how badly I felt for the female judges for the show. Being on TV, the host and judges must look flawless (and do! You’re fabulous!), but that often includes being up-to-date on fashion. Add in the judges table does not have a front panel, and I sadly empathized episode after episode, season after season, with the female judges. Realizing for a majority of the show, the women are dressed in dresses and skirts at, or slightly above, the knee. While the men sit comfortably with their feet at hip-width, their shoes resting on the floor or bar stool shoe ledge (not quite sure what that’s called, but I hope you understand what I’m talking about), the ladies either sit with their legs crossed the entire time or perch on the edge of their seat at an angle to keep their waist from the camera’s (and America’s) view.

table

 

The show is only 22 minutes long of air time, but if you think about the actual amount of time spent on that set for each episode: filming time, the prep for each round, the length of each actual round (some are 2 hours), cleanup after each round, the judges deliberation time, etc. That’s a FULL DAY. I imagine easily OVER 12 HOURS OF SITTING ON THAT CHAIR. With your legs crossed. Hoping you don’t have a “paparazzi” moment on (inter)national television.

 

Does that sound comfortable to you? Not to me. My back, hips, and knees ache at the thought of it.

 

I wear pants and shorts so I can be comfortable. Not to please anyone else. I wear skirts and dresses to please myself if I feel like wearing one. Not to please anyone else. However, watching these women try to emulate being comfortable while constantly wondering if their underwear is flashed on camera, all I could think of were times I dressed and fretted over what I was wearing — if my destination would be skirt/dress friendly… if I should even bother wearing a skirt or dress so I didn’t have to deal with that headache.

 

One part of the article that I found rang true was the idea of privacy. In an open office plan, if you need to make a private phone call, there is no reprieve. You often have to leave the building. My last corporate job, they had the right idea, and I’m grateful for it. While they believed in an open floor plan, they had created one-person, door-closing, private “pods.” These were workspaces if an employee needed to conference call or do virtual training with clients. Although it was created with the intention of eliminating background noise during training, it also allowed a temporary private space to talk without the background sounds of, “Whoo! Did you catch the Seahawks last night!” or “Did you hear about X lately?” or “Who took my lunch from the refrigerator? It had my name on it!” It had a second benefit of, if an employee was caring for dependents and received an unexpected call from their dependent, they could take the call quickly without divulging their personal and private information to the whole office.

 

 

Overall, I want you to know that I like open-concept offices. I think they inspire creativity, collaboration, teamwork, and provides a bright work environment. However, if you plan to have this design, it is critical to have a few “office pods” available for people. Make the desks have a front panel for privacy and comfort for your employees (if they want it). Also, in an ideal world, people wouldn’t be judged on their looks for their careers. Don’t get me wrong: I do believe in a required level of personal hygiene and gender neutral dress codes that apply to everyone.

 

*Not a sponsor.