Are you a “Black Friday” shopper? The concept is useless to me. It’s like The Hunger Games and Squid Games wrapped in one, but instead of someone eventually being a winner, you are paying money to the game master for the emotional, and most likely physically painful, fight for retail survival. Stores convinced you that money is saved but it’s a farce.

Before the internet, I recall my parents waking up hours before dawn to freeze their asses off for that magic deal. My younger self promised my future (now present day) self that I would not be a Black Friday shopper. I don’t understand purposely activating my fight or flight response for an Elmo toy or air fryer.

Many years I worked retail and recall prices slowly increased weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. When Black Friday came around, the item appeared as a glistening ‘heavily discounted’ price. In reality, it was back to the original price it held a majority of the year. It’s a marketing ploy that costs you more than just the usual price and time. It adds the service fee of potential physical injury. Plus an added bonus of a loss of dignity as lizard-brain takes over, turning normal humans into Gollum, ready to swipe you for taking their precious TV box.

Think about it: Black Friday deals don’t suddenly time out after 10 AM. The sale(s) runs until the store closes for the day. If you must venture out, do it later. They still have inventory, the rush is over, and it’s quieter without shoppers shoving you around like a linebacker.

I usually ignore Black Friday altogether. Our family prefers to give homemade food treats, or yarn projects (hats, scarves, sweaters), some other kind of craft, or provide the recipient an experience for enjoyment at a time of their choosing.

Black Friday is a rare day I’m so grateful the internet exists. If I must Black Friday shop, I do it from the comfort of my own home. Frumpy clothes, messy hair, and some kind of beverage/snack in hand.

Whatever your feelings about the Thanksgiving holiday (I’m shocked we, as a nation, still actually celebrate this with the reparations that still need to be made with the Indigenous community), whether you celebrate it, loathe it, or somewhere in between, I wish you good health, safe travels, quality sleep, nourishing meals, and restorative rest and relaxation.

Separate note: If you have chosen to fry a turkey, please for the love of all that is holy, do your research! Fully thaw it safely and gain a strong understanding of fluid dynamics. Do not accidentally immolate yourself for the sake of a protein. I need you alive to buy my stuff… on a non-Black Friday day.