excuse me, while i kiss the sky

You want me to what?!

Never mind the fact that I’m adopted and took my first commercial flight when I was six months old, or that I’ve been on several (easily almost 10 commercial flights) in my lifetime. Precious Readers, I should warn you that I am not a great flier and do not crave leaving the earth. If anything, I prefer going deeper via lakes, oceans, rivers, etc. I’m more of a water/land-type of person.

If this is the first time you’re joining us on this blog, you may not know that I call my husband “Pilot.” The reason being: he flies airplanes.

Kind of anticlimactic, right?

The part I haven’t always shared is that he has also flown aerobatics. That’s when the planes fly in loops, upside-down, flips, etc.

That’s a little more eye-catching, isn’t it?

Today’s post will be recalling my very first Cessna flight with Pilot.

During the early days of dating with Pilot, probably about 3-6 months in, (I’m sure Pilot has the date, since all pilots keep a log book), he decided to take me on a flight in a Cessna. I told him I wasn’t a great flier.

Me: I hate flying.

Pilot: Don’t worry; I’ll be right there with you.

Me: It scares me shitless.

Pilot: Nah, you’ll be fine.

Me: <beginning to hyperventilate.> I’m already freaking out, and we haven’t left the ground yet!

Pilot: <waves hand in vague gesture.> You’re going to love it!

Me: <frowns.> O-kaaay.

The night before our takeoff, we visited Pilot’s parents. His dad, Silver Fox-

Again, I did not come up with this nickname. The people in his office dubbed him with this particular title.

-decided to let me in on a little secret that was deemed necessary before leaving.

Silver Fox: Now, Katie, just remember one thing.

Me: <turns to face Silver Fox, and shrugs.> Ok.

Silver Fox: <holds up his index finger and thumb slightly apart from each other.> There is only 1/4 inch of metal separating you and 5,000 feet.

Me: <pales in color, sets lips in grim line.> Great. Thanks, Silver Fox. Really needed that.

Everyone in the room except me: <laughing hysterically.>

Night passes and the crushing weight of my impending doom approaches. My parents and some family friends joined us to see me off. Mostly teasing me about how it was going to be.

Needless to say, before takeoff, I asked several millions of questions-

Shaky voice not withstanding

-and was white knuckled during the experience.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a smaller airplane, but it is cozy.

When I say cozy, I’m talking about, you’re practically sitting in the lap of the hot guy next to you, which you can imagine an 18-year-old virgin who is finally participating in her first dates finds those close quarters a very intimate experience as it is.

Never mind adding the stress of trying to appear calm, cool, sexy, feminine and pretty while trying fight the (ironically named) “flight” sensation of facing one’s biggest fear… AND feeling that if I continue flying in this sardine-can-of-a-monstrosity-tempting-fate-by-defying-gravity that I might surely perish – avoiding the sensation to jump out of said moving (and airborne) plane which would GUARANTEE my death 100%.

If you’ve ever flown in a large airplane, once in a while you might feel the plane dip slightly due to turbulence.

Well, Precious Readers, Allow me to explain:

In a smaller plane, such as a Cessna, YOU FEEL EVERYYTHING AND YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

Most people would say I was overreacting with the previous statement. And it’s probably true.

IF YOU ARE NOT AFRAID OF FLYING.

So how did this experience end?

Did I keep my composure?

Did I find a previously unknown passion for flying?

Did I have an ethereal experience by suddenly recognizing I was in the heavens and just a little bit physically closer to God and find my bliss?

Well…

About half an hour into the flight I began feeling airsick and dizzy, causing a quick turnaround and emergency landing, with which upon said landing, I immediately locked myself inside the women’s restroom praying for the nausea to wear off.

Which it did.

20 minutes later.

It’s a tale as old as time: Girl meets amazing, hot and talented guy. Guy asks girl to go flying into the sunset together. Girl nearly tosses her cookies in front of amazing, hot and talented guy.

I know, right? Every female’s dream.

Now, it’s safe to say that Pilot probably wasn’t expecting such an extreme reaction. He probably chalked it up to general nerves for anyone flying in a small plane for the first time.

Well, he met his match with me. I don’t think the idea of a nearly-vomiting-and-potentially-passing-out-seatmate being on his list of experiences.

Once I recovered, having (thankfully) NOT actually getting sick, I splashed some cool water on my face, washed my hands and exited the restroom, wondering to myself if Pilot was even going to look me in the eye, or if he could even face me.

Pilot stood there with a sheepish grin on his face and a small 7Up.

Aww.

Me: <takes 7Up.>

Pilot: Sip that, slowly.

Me: <mumbles something similar sounding to a ‘thank you’.>

Pilot: <gestures to couch in lounge of airport.>

Me: <sits tentatively.>

Pilot: How are you feeling?

Me: <sipping gently on 7Up.> Better.

Pilot: So… Flying. Not your favorite thing?

Me: <blushes… or would if color had returned to face yet.> <shakes head.> Nope, sorry. <raises eyebrow, and gives watery smile.> Um, did the phrase, “I hate flying. It scares me shitless” ring any bells?

Pilot: <laughs gently.> Oh, yeah.  <pauses.> You really weren’t kidding were you?

Me: <panic sets in.>

Oh God! Oh God! I ruined this! He’s going to dump me, isn’t he? He probably wants some blonde-painted-up-flight-attendant-who-weighs-88-lbs-with-contotionist-yoga-instructor-moves with whom he can fly around the world!

That’s it! I’m done for! He’s so cute; I’m never going to meet another guy as hot as this one! Why, oh WHY did I let him talk me into flying?!

DAMN MY EQUILIBRIUM!!!

Me: <shrugs and laughs lightly as if it ‘ain’t no thang.’> Well, what you see, and hear, is what you get.

Pilot: Good. I like girls who don’t play games.

Me: <balks in surprise.>

Pilot: <tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear.> Well, I’ll just have to take that into consideration the next time we go up.

Me: <whatever color had returned pales again.>

Pilot: <laughs.> Don’t worry, we’ll go when you’re ready.

It may not surprise you, that his response had surprised me. Granted, I was (very) new to dating, but I was pretty sure a girl puking on one of her first dates with a guy did not have an equivalent to “when’s our next date?”

So what did we learn here today, Precious Readers?

I learned that there really are nice guys out there, even the ridiculously hot ones, and Pilot learned to take what I say at face value. What I say may not always be pretty, but he’ll never have any guesswork.

What has been one of your most embarrassing moments while on a date? Or, what is the worst thing that ever happened to you while on a date? Share your stories and comments here!

Believe me, from the story above you’ll receive no judgment from me!

2 thoughts on “excuse me, while i kiss the sky

  1. PJ says:

    Oh, what a sweet story! He sounds like a great guy. 🙂 I took a few flight lessons, but never could continue. It cost way more than I could manage as a starving writer, My son, though… He loves planes and I’m hoping against hope he gets the flying bug!

    Like

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